Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Life's waiting to begin

Emotions are in full swing.. I'm just going to open my heart and let the words flow through the keyboard. *Deep breath* Here it goes:

We're all on this adventure..the big adventure of life. We get off track, get lost..but ultimately we control it. We control who we let into our lives, who we pick as our role models, what decisions we make, we control our actions and we decide which paths to take on our adventure. My adventure thus far in my life has mostly been watching the others around me. I watched as my family fell apart, I saw my Mom be strong and brave, my sister get married and start a career, my brother recently screw up his life (hope he doesn't read this BAAHH..), my mom and my dad find love again, and all the while I've observed and now I feel like it's my turn..my life's waiting to begin. I want to do it right, no wrong turns or slip ups. I need to live my life, pursue my passions, follow my dreams, find love, be successful and I intent on doing all these things. But how can I be so sure that it will be that easy? I could get through school and realize it's going to be a big struggle to pay all my bills or end up giving my heart away and getting it crushed. Are these common disappointments "set backs" or are they part of the adventure that takes you further on a path of improvement? It's easy to have a terrible thing happen in your life and feel just completely broken but we need to brush it off, no matter how hard it is and move on. Believe in ourselves and have faith that this bad will bring better. I feel like all the bad in my life so far has shaped me into what I am today. My parents divorce was my first "set back", of course I was young, but I remember it all. It's funny because I couldn't tell you any other significant events during that time..I just remember feeling confused. I was too young to know what was going on, but I knew it was bad. As I grew into an emotional teenager, I became bitter. I would write in journals for hours because I had too many emotions to handle, I cried the tears I should have been crying years earlier, and I didn't understand why. How could all this bad be better for me?? Instead of crying, hiding my feelings about the situation or writing endless journal entries, I should have been dealing and accepting my new life. I feel this experience, although I was young, formed me into who I am today. I realize the importance of not settling for anything but the best but yet be ready for a let down. No matter how perfect things may seem, it's never set in stone.
My heart has just felt heavy these past couple of days. It almost feels anxious in a way. I'm growing up extremely fast and the responsibilities are piling on. That's beside the point, I just want to say: We can change our lives, the blessings are waiting..sometimes we just have to be strong enough to act upon it. :) :) :) My adventure is getting more and more interesting with every passing day and I believe i'm on the right path and you can be too.

"I'm the first to know, my dearest friends, even if your hope has burned with time. Anything that's dead shall be regrown and your vicious pain, your warning sign
You will be fine."


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